


The Babysitter From Hell

by The_Glittery_Hedgehog_Ninja



Category: Shadow the Hedgehog - Fandom, Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-07-23 15:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Glittery_Hedgehog_Ninja/pseuds/The_Glittery_Hedgehog_Ninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Shadow's stuck out in the pouring rain miles away from home with sodden Hover Shoes and drenched quills, he doesn't expect be helped by anyone, much less Cream the Rabbit. </p><p>But when Shadow saves her from nearly dying twice in one night, Cream offers him a place to dry off , and somehow, Shadow ends up being hired as her babysitter. Cute Shadow and Cream friendship story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Said That You Were A Big Dummy

**Author's Note:**

> Any of the characters associated with this fanfiction belong to Sega.
> 
> Rated T for some sparse swearing, but nothing else.
> 
> Shadream friendship fic only.

It was dark.

It was dank.

And it was pouring.

Rain splashed against his Hover Shoes as he trudged through the glossy dark puddles that littered the sidewalk. The paved walkway would have glistened under the bright sunlight normally present during the day, but seeing as it was night, the only thing illuminating them were faint streetlights.

On most days, Shadow wouldn't have minded the rain. The sky would turn a peaceful gray, and the saturated clouds proved that everyone would stay inside, far away from him. And on especially stormy days, lightning and thunder wouldn't bother him either. What good was it for the Ultimate Life Form to be afraid of a mild natural disaster?

But today, the storm was unbelievably bothersome. Annoying, even.

Mainly because the downpour began in the middle of his well-deserved, quiet walk—or run, for that matter. Oh, it wouldn't have been so bad, had he been a mere mile away from him house. Two miles, even. Running back in a split second would have been no problem.

Even now, he could have easily run home, and he was what? Forty, fifty, sixty miles away? Oh, don't blame him. He liked living alone. There was no one around to bother him in isolation, and Shadow had long since realized that his thoughts were always the best company.

That being said, no matter how fast he could run home, he simply couldn't, not in this weather. Mainly due to one itty-bitty predicament with his pride—his joy. He was sure that the apocalypse was nigh based on the amount of bad luck that had been poured out on him because of this just one incident.

Simply put, his Hover Shoes were waterlogged.

Shadow had never been so frustrated with himself in his whole life.

Speeding around in rocket-powered shoes in the pouring rain had  _ not _ been a good idea. After a few minutes of sliding around in wet turf, the increased traction caused a friction that even the Ultimate Life Form's shoes couldn't handle, and the rocketed shoes had quickly sputtered out without so much as a fanfare.

Sure, he could've ran all the way home; it would have been as easy as kicking a certain 'faker's' butt all the way to the other side of the universe. But running at lightning fast speeds became significantly harder when you had bulky useless boots hanging off your feet that proved no benefit to you when you were running unless they powered on, an endless sheet of rain obscuring your vision from any direction, and quills so waterlogged that you felt like a heavy lump of black and red fur.

Yeah, Shadow didn't handle too well in the rain. Especially in unidentified territory.

All he knew was that he was in some dippy town that the 'faker' and his little band of 'friends' called home. That alone was enough to make him want to leave. He couldn't go inside one of the disgustingly cute-looking shops and dry off either, because all he'd receive would be grumblings for tracking a floodgates-of-heaven amount of water into the store.

What was worse was that there were enough people milling the streets, and if he had to endure  _ one more _ suspicious look from another one of these 'lower life forms', he was going to barf all those children's bones he'd had for breakfast.

Just kidding, it was actually Nice Crunchies cereal. Some weirdo had left them on his doorstep, and even though he had been skeptical, Shadow had dared to give them a try. To his surprise, the popped rice cereal was actually quite good. It would've tasted a whole lot better had the cereal box not had a bright sun on it and rainbow smiling flowers advertising  _ BURST CRINKLE POP _ , but he wasn't about to complain. Okay, yes he was, but let's skip over that, shall we?

To put it in more simpler terms, Shadow was miserable. And irritable. Mostly irritable, though. That's why anyone who dared stare at him would only go so far to cast an annoyedly-confused look. Ask him any questions as to why he was such a state—or any questions, period—and they'd find themselves as a squashed pancake version of their previous selves.

So that's why Shadow found it odd as he stood by a streetside corner in his usual brooding position- one would normally call it sulking, but this is Shadow we're talking about, and he likes to pretend that he doesn't have feelings and just broods coolly all the time—when he felt the telltale pitter patter of rain on his quills pause and a dark shadow cover him like a fog.

_ Oh great _ , thought Shadow.  _ Some punk wants to mess with me. No big deal, even if I resemble a waterlogged chipmunk, I can still take them. They don't want to mess with the Ultimate Life Form _ .

He revved up for an easy winning battle. Instead, when he looked up, all he saw was a pale yellow umbrella embroidered with sickening images of cute-looking baby ducklings in white.

"What the—?" Shadow managed to sputter, dropping all battle ready poses, opting for a boredly-confused look instead, as he gazed downwards at the holder of the umbrella.

A small pale orange rabbit, covered in darker markings with a small blue Chao floating a few inches above her shoulder, peered up from underneath it.

Shadow racked his Ultimate Mind for a name to give to her; he swore he'd seen her before. It was Cream—right? And the little blue menace was Cheese, he'd assumed, from all the stupid stories the 'faker' had droned on about.

She blinked innocently and asked, "You're Mister Shadow, right?"

Not in the mood to entertain a young bunny, Shadow ducked out from underneath the umbrella and back into the harshly wet rain. He  _ pleasantly _ muttered his signature, "Humph." He saw no reason for a 'thank you'.

Unabashed, she followed him, holding the umbrella as high as she could reach, which was hardly an inch above his head—she  _ was _ quite a short little bunny, after all.

"You look like you could use a place to stay and dry off," she observed, her large brown eyes furrowing worriedly. Her Chao nodded enthusiastically and yipped something incomprehensible.

"Yeah, well, so could all those other people," Shadow retorted, gesturing his head towards the dozens of people crowding the streets. Once again, he sidestepped out of the safety of her umbrella and into the rain. He wasn't going to accept help from a 7 year-old rabbit.

Cream looked at him confusedly. "But, Mister Shadow, all those other people have umbrellas." She looked at him again with copious amounts of unnecessary worry in her eyes. "And you don't."

"Wha—?" Shadow blinked as he turned to look into the crowd.

Sure enough, there was not a single person out today in this weather with _ out _ an umbrella. Perhaps those confused looks people had shot him earlier weren't  _ what the hell are you doing here? _ type confused looks, but maybe they were  _ oh, you poor Ultimate Life Form, you must be soaked _ looks. Shadow felt his stomach clench. He didn't know which one was worse.

"So?" he protested. Normally, he would've probably roughed the guy up a bit, for absolutely no reason besides the fact that it gave him a morbid sense of pleasure. But, Shadow was  _ far _ above harassing children. "What are  _ you _ going to do about it?"

Cream grinned and Cheese clapped excitedly. Shadow suddenly wished he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Well," she mused, her eyes glittering. Her eyes. Why was he so drawn to those innocent brown eyes? They were an ordinary brown, but the exuded such virtue, that of the child that she was, and he found them mildly intriguing. "Cheese and I could take you home! I'm sure Mama would love to have you over!"

Shadow blinked, trying not to show disgust, and any thought of those childish brown eyes went straight out the window. Yes, maybe he had been a little harsh to her before, but she didn't have to torture him like this! How was he supposed to answer that?! More importantly, why in the wide wide world would he, the Ultimate Life Form, want to dilly-dally in the house of one of the 'faker's' friends?

"Uhm," he stammered for a moment, before chiding himself for sounding so defenseless. He put on a grouchy face and turned to face the busy street. "Humph. Go away."

Cream's expression suddenly turned chastised and disappointed, and Cheese looked at him in pity, shaking his head. "Oh—okay." She turned away with a small, "Goodbye, Mister Shadow."

Shadow felt a bubble of something—was that guilt?—form in his chest as the young rabbit walked in the opposite direction, taking her dry umbrella with her. He grumbled when the downpour of rain resumed by the gallons on his head. Maybe he could've been a little less harsh.

_ Oh well _ , he thought, as he watched Cream take slow, deliberate steps away from him with Cheese floating dejectedly behind her.  _ Too late to change anything now _ .

He turned to walk away, squinting as the rain nearly blinded him. Within that moment, the storm swelled, as did the rain and the winds, and Shadow knew what that meant as he braced for the worse. The rumble of thunder resounded through the area, and a telltale surge of lightning claimed its next victim. This time, it happened to be one of the trees planted in a treepit cut out into the sidewalk.

By some sheer stroke of ridiculous Shadow-patented luck, Cream had continued her rejected-looking walk and happened to stroll right underneath the tree that had been struck by lightning. The trunk teetered at an unsteady rate, and before he knew it, was toppling down, right where Cream was walking.

The stupid little rabbit was too caught up in her own worries, and even though her little Chao friend was trying to get her attention, pointing to the tree frantically, Cream didn't seem too interested. As a last resort, Cheese tried to push Cream out of the way, but even as light as she was, the rabbit was far too heavy for Cheese. It was when the tree was just a few millimeters from hitting her that Cream finally looked up. She gave a little scream and stood frozen in fear.

Shadow sighed, and even though his watery shoes were heavy and made him go much slower than he would have liked (his slower for us is actually quite fast), ran towards the bunny. He was the Ultimate Life Form, after all, not a monster.

He scooped her up, ignoring her startled squeak, and ran to the street corner, all while trying not to be nicked in the eye by one of her umbrella spokes. It was hard enough to see already.

Cheese followed him, scolding Cream in what Shadow thought was Chao-babbling. He put her back down immediately, not that she was heavy or anything, but because he felt thoroughly uncomfortable holding a rabbit that he barely even knew.

Cream flicked her umbrella open and looked towards Shadow with grateful eyes. He turned away. "Mister Shadow, thank you so much! You saved my life—"

"Don't mention it," he replied scorchingly, putting his gloved hand on her mouth to stop her from talking. He'd done his job. It was time to go. He revved up to get ready, even though he knew that in his state, he wouldn't get very far. "Now if you don't mind, I have to go."

"No, you can't!" Cream gasped, grabbing his hand whimperingly. Shadow growled and didn't dare look into her eyes, which were probably filled with little bunny-rabbit tears. "You  _ can't _ go yet, not after you saved my life! Mama will  _ definitely _ want to meet you!"

"Sorry," Shadow said, not sounding very sorry at all, as he wriggled his hand out from her grip. "But I've got to get home."

Cream looked at him oddly before re-attaining her grip on his hand. "But Mister Sonic says that you live far away! Well, he also said that that was because you're a big dummy who doesn't like other people."

Shadow's ears scathed at hearing the 'faker's' name and this time, he roughly yanked his hand from hers. Remind him why he was here again? "Key word: Doesn't Like Other People."

Cheese sighed, and Cream had to ask, genuine worry lacing her tone, "But how will you get home, Mister Shadow?"

"Uh—with these,  _ obviously _ ," Shadow rolled his eyes and pointed to his speedy, albeit waterlogged, Hover Shoes. Granted, he didn't  _ feel _ much like running, his quills were so inundated that he felt like he weighed a ton, but he had to get away from this rabbit. Something told him that she wouldn't leave until she was satisfied with his answers, and if he just left her alone in the rain (even with an umbrella), he'd never hear the end of it from the 'faker'.

"Come to my house," Cream insisted. "Mama could help you fix your shoes, and you could have a place to dry off and rest. You really  _ do _ need help, Mister Shadow, I can tell."

Shadow hunched his shoulders in a defensive way, and grumbled, "Do not." He really thought he didn't—he was the Ultimate Life Form, right?

She sighed and exchanged looks with Cheese. Gathering up her courage, she turned to him with the most powerful puppy dog eyes he'd ever seen. " _ Please _ ?"

"Ack!" Shadow yelped when he accidentally dared to look at her, his gaze inadvertently zeroed into her glittering eyes.  _ Why _ would she do that to him? She was a witch—a sorceress! Perhaps even a robot! An evil spawn of Doctor Eggman's laboratory!

_ Puppy dog eyes _ , he shuddered, as if he was trapped in an everlasting horror movie.  _ Even a Chaos Blast is useless compared to them _ .

Feeling nothing but pity for himself, Shadow closed his eyes and sighed; he knew he was going to regret this decision.

"Fine."


	2. Get Your Chao To Stop Kissing My Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The glint in Vanilla's eyes when she says 'babysitter' makes Shadow quiver with fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this chapter turned out a little longer than I intended, and a little less humorous than I wanted—but, it definitely gets our story started!

_ Perfect _ , thought Shadow grimly.  _ This will do  _ wonders  _ for my reputation _ .

Looking like a drowned chipmunk in a town that the 'faker' lived in was one thing, but accepting help from 7 year old rabbits? That was a whole  _ other  _ realm of humiliation.

"Come on, Mister Shadow," Cream called from in front of him. She had originally tried to skip by his side like a true 7 year old, her ears bobbing flippantly behind her, but he had sent her far in front of him, as he walked as distant as he could from behind (he didn't want to be seen associating with a 7 year old bunny).

He muttered a petulant "Humph," but forced himself to move the tiniest bit faster. Shadow did his best to ignore the disgruntled groans from the people he pushed aside to follow the girl. Apparently, they could satiate being shoved by a young bunny but not a fully-grown hedgehog. How typical.

Suddenly, Shadow felt himself coming to an abrupt halt. His waterlogged Hover Shoes screeched as they rubbed against the pavement and gave off flashing sparks.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked callously to the orange bunny, who had paused right in front of a busy street. "Why'd you stop?"

He felt a soft hand wrap around his. Shadow blinked, and quickly shook Cream's hand out of his.

"And that's another thing!" he growled, blowing on his hand as if he'd been contaminated with germs. "No one holds the hand of the Ultimate Life Form!"

Cream turned to him with watery eyes, and Cheese shook his head in disappointment. Shadow felt his stomach clench.

_ Oh boy, what'd I do now? _

Cream gulped, "But, Mister Shadow, Mama always says I should hold somebody's hand when I cross the street."

She turned her head towards the busy street, packed so tightly with cars moving at speeds that could quite possibly rival Shadow's ( _ obviously _ , this was an exaggeration). The zebra crossing was constantly flooded with cars, until, of course, a WALK signal would show up on the traffic light. Even then, it would be easy to get hit by one of the passing vehicles.

Shadow massaged his head to relieve himself of an oncoming headache. Why'd he decide to do this again? Maybe he should just run home. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea—even with wet quills and useless Hover Shoes, he could make it—right? He lifted his foot with a groan and attempted to run in the opposite direction, but instead, when his inundated shoe hit the pavement, it made an unflattering  _ squelch _ ing sound.

He turned towards Cream, who looked at him with her nervous, but nonetheless curious brown eyes. Shadow gave a sigh, even though to any  _ normal  _ person's ears, it would've sounded like a groan. He couldn't very well leave her here...could he? Who cared if the 'faker' got pissed later on? Why should he care?

_ Ultimate Life Form, Shadow _ , he reminded himself.  _ Not monster _ . He grimaced. He really hated that annoying voice in his head right now.

With an  _ actual  _ groan this time, Shadow painstakingly reached out his arm towards Cream.

"Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "You can hold my hand. But just this once." He leaned closer so that he was right above her ear, and put on his most menacing voice. "But if any of this gets around to the 'faker', you can say goodbye to this little Chao of yours." He grabbed Cheese and gave him a little squeeze (please ignore the rhyme) around the neck for emphasis.

To his surprise, Cream just jumped up and grabbed Cheese from his hands, and gave a little giggle. She released the Chao and it flew right back to her side as usual, although somehow, this time, it gave Shadow what he could only assume was a 'murderous look'.

Shadow was shocked but didn't let it show, instead masking his face with a bored stare.  _ No _ one was supposed to giggle at  _ The Ultimate Life Form _ .

"You're funny, Mister Shadow," Cream giggled (again!) earnestly, as she grabbed Shadow's hand.

_ Yuck _ , Shadow shuddered.  _ Why's that stupid pink hedgehog, Amy, always itching to hold the 'faker's' hand? I see nothing special about this 'hand holding'—it's just unwanted lower life form contact _ .

During his momentary 'brooding' (we all know what brooding means for Shadow—the poor sulker), he failed to register that the stupid orange rabbit currently attached to his arm had gone skipping carelessly into the traffic, singing a little ditty and closing her eyes cheerfully as she did so.

Without a moment's notice, Shadow yanked her backward, and she tumbled back onto the sidewalk and into safety. And not a moment too soon, as right as she landed onto the pavement, a car  _ whooshed _ past, leaving a trail of smoke in where she had been standing. The water that it had stirred up splashed onto Shadow ceremoniously—but he had bigger things to be upset about.

Shadow glared at Cream furiously. "What were you  _ thinking _ , prancing into the traffic like that, especially in the rain? Don't you know you could've been seriously—"

"—Oh thank you, Mister Shadow!" Cream cried, as she wrapped her hands around Shadow gratefully, once more nearly impaling him with her umbrella. "You saved my life—again!" Cheese turned to him with an impressed smile, apparently forgetting about his previous threat.

"Oh for the love of—!" Shadow exclaimed, peeling the rabbit's arms off of him. Seriously, what was it with this town and thanking people? "It was no big deal, okay? Now, if you don't mind, would you please get your Chao to stop kissing my shoes?!"

Cream bent down to where Cheese was showering Shadow's Hover Shoes with kisses in return for saving Cream. "Uhm, Cheese, I think that's enough." Unabashed, Cream got back up and turned to Shadow with shining eyes.

"Okay, Mister Shadow—no more hugs. But if I had any doubt that you weren't a good guy before—it's gone now!" She sighed happily. "Oh, Mama will be so grateful to you—and happy!"

Shadow rolled his eyes, as he grabbed Cream's hand again and walked her across the street—this time the traffic had died down and the actual WALK sign was flashing for them to go. 

"Oh, goody."

* * *

 

To say that he wasn't surprised to see that Cream and Cheese lived in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields of green, a garden overflowing with various vegetables, complete with a cute little picket fence that somehow managed to avoid the terrible thunderstorm plaguing  _ everywhere _ else, would be a lie.

Okay, fine the 'middle of nowhere' part weirded him out a little, considering Cream was very social and seemed to make new friends on a daily basis.

When he'd begrudgingly asked her, she had responded with, "Mama likes the quiet."

_ And boy, does she _ , Shadow thought as he miserably was forced to warm himself by the fire, garbed with nothing but his sodden black socks. His beloved shoes were drying nearby the flames, as Vanilla, Cream's mother, had thought that was the best way to fix them.

Cream was sitting across from him in a flowery armchair similar to his carrot-embroidered one, munching on cookies that her mother brought in. She had been chatting quietly with Cheese, every so often sending inquisitive glances his way.

Vanilla had greeted him with open arms and a huge smile when they'd arrived, after promptly, but lightly scolding Cream for nearly getting herself killed— _ twice _ , and thanking Shadow to no end. She had wholeheartedly agreed with Cream in letting Shadow stay for awhile to dry off, and had shooed them into the living room, bringing in chocolate chip cookies, before scuttling off into the kitchen to prepare something else for him to eat.

After inviting him over, Cream seemed to have no idea what to do with him, and Shadow didn't mind. Seriously, what business would he want to have in entertaining a 7 year old? Besides, it gave him time to 'brood' over his Ultimate Life Form existence. The dancing flames from the fireplace provided ample distraction, and at the same time, something to focus on  _ besides _ the energetic—yet still polite rabbit and her Chao sitting across from him.

"So, Mister Shadow," Cream tried after a span of silence. She sent a nervous look towards Cheese. "What do you like to do for fun?"

Shadow sunk lower and lower into his seat as he grumbled, "Running, not getting wet, running, kicking the 'faker's' butt, running, ruining children's lives, running, oh, and running," listing each item with his fingers.

Wow, did he have a short range of interests, or what? Oh, it's just as well, what if the little rabbit was looking for some way to  _ bond _ with him by asking to know his interests? That would've been  _ horrible _ ! Seriously, he'd take puppy dog eyes any day.

Cream instantly deflated with a disappointed, "Oh." Ugh, Shadow was feeling that weird guilty feeling again.

Her eyes suddenly opened wide as if she'd just realized something and exchanged a panicked look with Cheese. "Oh!" She instantly turned to run up the stairs, calling back, "I'm so sorry Mister Shadow—I forgot that you needed a towel!"

For the record, the fire had dried him off just as well and he technically didn't need a towel anymore, but Shadow would take anything over having that little bunny stare at him all day. Call him harsh, that's what everyone else did.

When Cream didn't return for a few minutes, and with Vanilla still in the kitchen, Shadow was becoming slightly antsy. You really couldn't blame him, really. He was used to living in the fast lane, and waiting around with nothing to do was not yet fully engraved in his vocabulary (brooding *cough cough* — sulking was a different matter—he was actually  _ doing _ something).

He was beginning to like the idea of bolting out of there without telling anyone, but after poking his Hover Shoes, he quickly found out that they were still waterlogged, even sitting by the fire, and absolutely good for nothing except to slow him down.

Boredly, Shadow walked over to the armchair where Cream had been sitting and grabbed a photo that had been propped up and framed on the side table next to the telephone. He examined it closely, and realized that he recognized two out of the three people in the pictures.

One of the figures was Cream, who wore a big smile and was cuddling Cheese happily, and the other was Vanilla. Her eyes glittered with joy as her arms rested on her daughter's shoulders.

The large, rabbit man, who had enveloped his arms around both Vanilla and Cream, was someone who Shadow didn't recognize, but could only guess. He squinted to read the small plate that had been engraved into the frame. It read: Alfalfrad the Rabbit, died at the age of 43.

_ That's her father _ , Shadow realized, his eyes wide.

Okay, call him dense, but he had  _ not _ realized that Cream's father had freaking  _ died _ . How the hell did she manage to be so cheerful all the time, knowing one of her family member's had passed on? Heck, Maria wasn't technically even his family, but he sure as hell hadn't managed to stay cheerful after she'd risked  _ her _ life.

_ Shut up, Shadow _ , he chided himself, refusing to think that way. What good did sentiment bring, anyway?  _ You're not helping anyone—okay for the record, who cares?—but you get my point—by thinking those thoughts. _

Suddenly, he heard the rush of little rabbit feet down the stairs and looked around in a mild sense of panic; he didn't exactly know what his boundaries were here (okay, he didn't  _ care _ what his boundaries were, but let's for the moment pretend he had a heart) and didn't want to be caught snooping, especially in something so...personal.

Without ultra soggy fur to slow him down since he was mostly dry, Shadow quickly high-tailed it back to his armchair in his socks, and pretended to still be brooding, just as Cream scaled the last step.

"Here you go, Mister Shadow," Cream chirped, handing him a fuzzy pink towel, covered in designs of a certain blue 'faker'. Seriously, who was in charge of designing these towels? "I'm sorry it took so long. The rest of the towels were in the wash, and I had to grab one of these special ones Mama designed for Sonic's birthday present." She cringed guiltily as she glanced towards the kitchen. "I hope she doesn't mind."

Shadow blinked at the towel for a few moments before rudely shoving it away. "No thanks." He didn't want to use  _ anything _ that had to do with the 'faker', and besides, he was already dry. His fur was a bit damp, though, but he didn't mind.

"Oh. Okay," Cream sighed dejectedly as she handed the towel to Cheese. Her eyes lit up again and she ran across the room to grab the plate of cookies she had been munching on earlier. "Then have a cookie. Mama made them—they're the best."

With a traditional  _ pfft _ of displeasure, Shadow pushed the plate away. "I said ' _ no thanks _ '." What could he say? Disappointing kids was just part of his shining personality.

Cream turned away and walked the sad walk of rejection with Cheese towards her flowery armchair. Shadow felt the pit of guilt only grow in his stomach, and added with this newfound information on the state of Cream's father, he didn't feel it stopping any time soon.

_ I have to get out of here _ , Shadow murmured to himself.

Just as he was about to get up and grab his Hover Shoes, Vanilla happened to walk in from the kitchen, holding a platter full of freshly cut vegetables and homemade dip.

"Veggies straight from the garden," she said happily, placing the platter on the coffee table. "And my super secret dip made from—well, I can't tell you that, it's a secret!"

Cream grinned and ran over straight towards her mother, grabbing a carrot and swishing it in whatever the dip was. "Try it, Mister Shadow! Veggies always taste better when you pair them with Mama's cooking!"

Before Shadow could spew out a very  _ kind _ , but inherently snarky, "I'll pass," Vanilla gave him a stern look.

"Shadow the Hedgehog!" she chided. Chided! At him! Shadow the Hedgehog! The Ultimate Life Form! The very thought... "Do you  _ want  _ to catch a cold? You're still wet—dry yourself off right this instant!" She gently grabbed the 'faker' embroidered towel from Cheese and handed it to him with a stern look.

Shadow wanted to refuse, he really did. But how was he supposed to refuse an order like that?

His mind spitting out venomous retorts, he silently took the horrific towel from Vanilla and mock-patted himself dry. There was no way he was going to let that towel touch his skin—especially with the 'faker's' face emblazoned on it. Besides, it smelled too carrot-y.

Cream watched him bemusedly, in no doubt enjoying watching him suffer. He always knew she was a witch.

When he had finished 'drying' himself off, Shadow roughly handed the towel back to Vanilla, who examined it with a keen eye.

She gave him an unamused look before handing the towel right back at him. She apparently didn't know—or care, for that matter, of Shadow's inherently devilish reputation. Seems like her daughter shared the same trait. "This towel's not even remotely wet—meaning you didn't dry yourself off at all. Dry yourself off properly or, or—,"

Vanilla was cut off by the shrill ringing of the telephone. As she ran quickly to the annoying ringing, she yelped back to Cream, "Dear, just make sure he's dry!"

"Sure thing, Mama," Cream replied, before turning to Shadow with an attentive eye. Her brown eyes bore into his red ones for a whole minute and a half, and she pointed to the towel knowingly.

Of course, because he was becoming a weak little hedgehog, Shadow couldn't hold her warm brown gaze for long. He muttered a defeated "Humph," before  _ very  _ gently rubbing his fur with the towel.

Cream gave a small smile. "Come on, Mister Shadow, it's not  _ that _ bad."

Suddenly, Vanilla turned around, and looked at the pair with panicked eyes. She put her hand over the mouthpiece of the telephone and yelped, "Cream, your Aunt Butterscotch has gone and gotten herself sick again!"

Shadow  _ pfft _ ed—this was supposed to matter to him  _ why _ ?—, but Cream looked back in worry, while Cheese began spinning around in desperate circles. " _ Again _ ?"

"Mh-hm," Vanilla replied, pursing her lips worriedly before turning to go up the stairs. "Your Uncle Hayseed says whatever she's got is supposed to be highly contagious, and I  _ must _ go check it out."

"Right behind you, Mama!" Cream cried as she and Cheese began to zoom up the stairs, her ears flapping in excitement.

"Oh no, Cream," said Vanilla, pulling her daughter back gently. "When I said it's 'highly contagious', that implied that you weren't going."

Cream blinked and stared at her mother worriedly. "Then who's going to take care of me, Mama?"

Vanilla cocked her head thoughtfully, staring into space in wonderment, and then turned to her daughter, staring at Shadow from the corner of her eye.

"I think it's high time you had a babysitter, don't you, Cream?"

Shadow dropped his towel straight on the ground in dread.

She'd better not have been implying what he thought she was implying.


	3. ULTIMATE LIFE FORM BABYSITS CUTE RABBIT

Lucky for Shadow, Vanilla turned her attention completely to Cream; to be honest, he was glad not be under her scrutinous gaze anymore.

"Cream, dear, who do you want as your babysitter?"

The little rabbit pondered the question for a moment before turning to discuss quietly with her Chao, who nodded enthusiastically with her suggestion.

"Can we have Mister Sonic? Or Miss Amy?"

Shadow let out a sigh of relief; at least Vanilla hadn't been implying that _he_ should babysit her. That would've been a disaster of epic proportions! He? The Ultimate Life Form? Babysit? It was nearly comical. And terrifying—but mostly comical. Shadow returned back to grab the dropped towel and perch it on the arm of the chair, before going back to brooding. It was amidst his 'brooding' when he realized something.

 _If the 'faker' is going to be_ here _,_ he decided, as he turned to grab his not-so-dry Hover Shoes and glance at the door. _Then I'm going to be out_ there _._

"Good idea, Cream," Vanilla praised, before giving Shadow a dangerous look that stopped him dead in his tracks—it stunk too, since he was already halfway to the door and his freedom.

 _Curse you, mother rabbit_ , Shadow grumbled, stomping back to his armchair as he put his shoes back by the fire. This _so_ was not his day.

Vanilla sauntered back towards the telephone. "Let me call him first," she decided as she spun the rotary dial on her telephone. She pulled out a small telephone book from underneath the plate of cookies on the table, and began to search for Sonic's name.

Cream turned to Shadow excitedly, with Cheese bouncing by her side enthusiastically. "I can't wait until Mister Sonic gets here, can you, Mister Shadow?"

"Of course, I can't wait until he gets here," Shadow muttered grimly. "Because once the 'faker' comes _here_ , I'll be out _there_." He gestured out the door.

The young rabbit once again, produced large brown eyes filled with tears (because that doesn't sound weird _at all_ ), and her ears drooped dejectedly. Cheese bent his head low the ground in sadness, giving his friend a well-deserved hug. Cream opened her mouth to speak, probably something that would make Shadow go all guilty-weird again, but to his everlasting relief, she was cut off by her mother, who had just gotten off the phone.

"I'm so sorry, Cream," Vanilla announced quietly, putting the phone down on the base. "But Sonic says that he, Amy, and Tails all went over to Angel Island to help Knuckles with something. They won't be back for a few days."

Shadow gave an obnoxiously loud sigh of relief, earning sharp looks from Vanilla. But he didn't care. Any day without the 'faker' and his friends was a good day in his book.

Cream turned towards her mother, a small smile on her face, but Shadow noticed that sadness clouded her normally cheerful eyes. Hold on a second. He had to invite that wibbly-wobbly feeling of guilt into his stomach again. "Oh—it's okay, Mama. I'm sure we'll find someone else."

"And that we will," her mother affirmed cheerfully, and grabbed the phone book again. She then began the enormous task in calling every single one of Cream's friends to see if they were up for a babysitting job.

Shadow was surprised; each phone call took 30 seconds tops, but Vanilla was still on the phone for a good hour and a half. Just how many friends did these cheery bunnies have?

Cream spent the time Vanilla was on the phone by entertaining Cheese, running around the room—carefully, though, and playing tag and hide and seek with her Chao. Every so often, they'd grab a snack from either the vegetable platter or the cookie plate, always asking Shadow if he wanted one, to which he would answer with a sullen 'no'.

Obviously, Shadow spent his time checking to see if his Hover Shoes were dry in 30 second intervals—and of course, they weren't. If he wasn't checking his shoes, he was busy brooding/sulking on his carrot-embroidered armchair, and trying to ignore the silly songs that the annoying little rabbit and her Chao were singing as they chased each other around the room.

One of them happened to go as such:

_Sonic is super fast_

_And super cool as well_

_In every race, he never ends up last_

_Amy is amazing and very very nice_

_She really really likes Sonic_

_And her hammer is her favorite device_

_Tails is very smart_

_And built the Tornado_

_He built it with um—um—Mister Shadow, what rhymes with smart?_

And so it went.

In other words, he was in hell. A new, happy, twisted kind of hell that he never knew existed before. The Big Guy Upstairs probably invented this kind of hell especially for Ultimate Life Forms like him.

Finally, Vanilla got off the phone, a disappointed look on her face. As she put the phone back on the base, she turned towards Cream hopelessly and said, "It seems that no one is available, dear."

Cream stopped mid-counting (she was always the seeker whenever she played hide-and-seek with Cheese), and asked worriedly, "Then what are we going to do, Mama?"

"I'm not sure, Cream," Vanilla sighed, shaking her head. "I'm just not sure." Suddenly, her eyes lit up, and she turned towards Shadow, a question ready on her lips.

Shadow got that feeling in his stomach again—and this time, it wasn't from guilt. He knew what she was going to ask of him, and there was no way in hell that he was ever going to ever agree to do it.

"No. Absolutely not," Shadow barked, even before Vanilla could ask the question. He got up to leave, almost forgetting his wet Hover Shoes. "I am the Ultimate _Life Form_ , _not_ the Ultimate _Babysitter_."

He felt an arm latch onto his as he turned towards the door. Shadow tried to ignore it, but the small rabbit pulled him back with a strength that even _he_ didn't know she had. And obviously, he knew everything.

"Please, Mister Shadow?" Cream asked, as Cheese yipped in agreement. " _Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease_? We promise we'll be good!"

"That's something she'll be _regardless_ of who's babysitting her, right Cream?" Vanilla asked, an eyebrow raised.

Cream giggled, "Of course, Mama." She turned towards Shadow hopefully, and he did everything in his power to avoid her warm brown gaze.

"Humph," Shadow grumbled indignantly. "No."

Forcibly coming to her house by succumbing to the pressure of puppy dog eyes was one thing—but babysitting her? That was a completely different realm of hell that he did _not_ want to associate with. He could imagine the headlines now: ULTIMATE LIFE FORM BABYSITS ANNOYINGLY CUTE 7 YEAR OLD RABBIT. There was no way he was going to let his reputation suffer that.

Vanilla sighed, her once sparkling eyes were now filled with films of tiredness as she turned towards Shadow. "I don't suppose I could bribe you with chillidogs? That always seemed to work with Sonic."

His ears were burning at the sound of that name as he turned towards Vanilla menacingly. "Do not _ever_ compare me with that 'faker' again."

A very small, inconceivable smile crawled up Vanilla's lips; although to him, it looked more like a smirk. He had a feeling he wouldn't like where this was going.

"I wasn't _comparing_ , Shadow," she replied airily. "I was simply hoping that you were remotely somewhat like Sonic—he was always a great babysitter for Cream, except for him it was always short term." She sighed and looked reminiscently at the ceiling. "It's too bad that he couldn't come—I don't think we've ever had a babysitter quite as good as him."

"Pfft," Shadow scoffed. The 'faker' couldn't do anything right, as far as he was concerned. "I highly doubt that."

Cream shook her head seriously, her ears flopping behind her comically. "But Mister Shadow—that's not true! Mister Sonic was _great_! We would always play games, and he'd always take Cheese and I running on his back!"

"Mh-hm," agreed Vanilla, although she seemed a bit less earnest than her daughter. "I just wished that _he_ was here to babysit Cream—he's so reliable and charming. Not to mention responsible."

Shadow couldn't believe it. If there was one thing he wouldn't label the 'faker' with, it was responsible. He was as carefree as the wind, and was just as absentminded. The very thought of these rabbits showering the 'faker' with compliments that weren't even true made his blood boil. It was always 'the 'faker' this' and 'the 'faker' that'. He must have mind-controlled them so that they would say such nice things; no sane person would talk about the 'faker' like that.

"I bet that I could do anything the 'faker' does ten times better," Shadow challenged, not realizing what he was getting himself into. "I _am_ the Ultimate Life Form, after all."

Vanilla's eyes lit up, as she gasped, "Even babysit Cream?"

"What? No." Shadow shook his head to clear his thoughts. Whatever gave her such a silly idea? "Of course not."

Cream looked half ready to cry, and Cheese didn't look too happy either. "Please, Mister Shadow?" she pleaded again. "We won't do anything to bother you, we promise."'

Shadow painstakingly turned towards her to utter his final, bored, "No," but was instantly enslaved by Cream's puppy dog eyes again.

 _I, Shadow the Hedgehog, Ultimate Life Form_ , Shadow vowed to himself as he tried to turn away from her powerful gaze. _Promise to study long and hard on the art of deflecting puppy dog eyes once this is all over_. His futile efforts were soon overshadowed and he felt himself succumbing to the cuteness.

"Fine," Shadow conceded through gritted teeth. "I'll do it." It may have been the worst decision of his life, but well, could he really tolerate himself if something happened to the annoying little rabbit had no one been there to watch her? Probably not, but knowing Shadow, anything was possible.

Vanilla smiled and clapped her hands giddily. "Wonderful!" She pulled a piece of paper from the hammerspace behind her and handed it to Shadow before rushing up the stairs to pack. "Those are the rules—make sure you follow them while I'm gone!"

Shadow blinked as Vanilla was gone in a rush of orange-colored fur up the stairs.

 _Okay, then_ , _Shadow_ , he thought. _Now that you've squandered your reputation by agreeing to babysit a 7 year-old rabbit, why not go dance in the rain like an idiot, huh? It can't be far from damaging your street cred anymore than it already has been._

"Hm, Mister Shadow," Cream commented, reading on the paper her mother had given him over his shoulder, using her ears to fly up to his height. "Looks like Mama gave you different rules than she gave Mister Sonic." She giggled (what was it with little girls and giggling?). "That must be because you're staying longer than he usually does."

Shadow gave a very _pleasant_ , "Humph," before reading the very long list Vanilla had prepared for him. It read as such, in her very loopy handwriting:

_1\. Make sure Cream gets to bed at exactly 9:00_

_2\. Do not make a mess—and if you happen to make one on accident, clean it up_

_3\. Make sure Cream gets a wholesome meal at least three times a day—breakfast, lunch, and dinner with snacks in between_

_4\. Make sure Cream is allowed to go to the bathroom when she needs to_

_5\. Do not burn anything_

_6\. Do not flood anything_

_7\. Do not kill anything_

_8\. Make sure Cheese is fed along with Cream—but feed him significantly less, he is much smaller than Cream after all_

_9\. Make sure Cream has a bath once a day and whenever she is dirty_

_10\. Do not even_ think _of trying to use a Chaos Blast for whatever reason inside the house—or outside for that matter—there are fragile plants out there!_

The list went on and on, reminding him of simple duties that anyone with half a brain would know to do, including everything from 'make sure Cream doesn't eat anything poisoned' to 'don't let strangers into the house if you aren't sure of their motives'.

"Does she think I'm stupid or something?" Shadow asked grumpily as he finished reading the list.

"Of course not, Mister Shadow," Cream laughed. "Mama just thinks you need a few more reminders than Mister Sonic does."

By a few, Cream meant a few couple thousand. You really couldn't blame Vanilla, though. Even though she had asked Shadow to take care of Cream, she knew that babysitting wouldn't be his strong suit, especially with his background. An extra long list with even the most minute reminders was actually a really good idea if she wanted him (and her daughter!) to survive.

Nevertheless, Shadow couldn't help be the tiniest bit offended. He didn't know why the fact that some random lower life form rabbits didn't really trust him bothered him at all, but it did.

He tucked the list underneath his Inhibitor Rings as he heard Vanilla clomp down the stairs, knowing he'd probably need to reference them later—especially regarding Cream's bedtime.

Whoa. Did he just have an actual 'babysitter-esque' thought? Did he just actually worry about getting Cream to bed on time?

 _Curse you, stupid cute house and inhabitants within, making me actually worry about something_ , Shadow mentally grumbled. Honestly, why did he agree to this again? It was so unlike him.

Vanilla finally came in wielding a large suitcase and an umbrella. "Just in case," she commented, prodding the instrument. She turned with open arms towards Cream, who rushed at her mother and enveloped in a huge hug. "Keep out of trouble," Vanilla murmured into her daughter's fur. "And try not to give Shadow a hard time, okay?" It would've been a more touching moment if Shadow wasn't there, sulking intelligently.

Cream nodded. "I won't, Mama." She pushed Cheese towards her mother, and he received the same goodbye as she did.

"That's my girl," Vanilla sighed happily, before picking up her suitcase and turning to Shadow. He averted his gaze to the ground, but not before putting on his most grumpy face to show what he thought of the idea. "Now, Shadow, you've read the rules—I hope, so you know what to do. I'll be gone for a few weeks at most, but I hope to see this house in the same condition as when I left it and Cream and Cheese very much alive."

Shadow blinked in horror. "A few weeks?" What the hell was that about? How could taking care of a sick aunt take so long? Okay, fine—those weren't his real worries. His real cause for inner panic was mostly due to _how the hell was he supposed to tolerate an annoying 7 year-old bunny who had the power to make him do whatever she wanted, remain sane, and to not die from over-lower life form contact?_ "You expect me to take care of—of that _little brat_ —," he pointed towards Cream. "For a few weeks?"

At the insult, Cream turned a pale pink in embarrassment; her eyes welled with tears that threatened to flow any second, but Shadow was in too much of a huff to care. Cheese glared at him angrily, but obviously, he didn't feel threatened by a little Chao.

"Did I not mention that?" Vanilla asked, her eyebrows raising coyly. "Oh well, I guess it just slipped my mind." She glanced at the clock and her expression turned into one of panic. "Look at the time! I'm going to miss my train!"

With that, she rushed out the door with her suitcase, calling, "Bye Cream, Cheese—love you! Be good for Shadow!" behind her.

The trio stood in silence for a few moments, the only sounds echoing through the house being the ever-present ticking of the clock. Shadow massaged his forehead again, his former headache coming on stronger this time. He pulled out the list from his Inhibitor Rings and read the first item, and glanced at the clock. It read 8:35 (P.M).

"So," he asked boredly to Cream, his eyes still glued to the list. "Isn't it almost your bedtime?" Perfect. Putting her to bed early meant that he was done for the day and could actually have some peace.

When he didn't receive an answer, he turned around grumpily, only to see an empty living room.

 _Oh great, now the rabbit's an escape artist, too_ , thought Shadow grimly as he began to search for Cream in the living room. Using his super speed, he managed to overturn every table and couch (and then put it back where it belonged) in approximately 2.65 seconds.

With no Cream in sight, Shadow began to wander around the house in search for the young bunny and her Chao. He'd searched almost all of the first floor of the house with no sight of them. Angrily, Shadow was starting to stomp to the kitchen (perhaps she'd run out of cookies and wanted more snacks?) when he heard the tell-tale sniffling of someone crying from behind one of the closet doors that lined the hallways.

Bracing himself, Shadow opened the door, only to find Cream curled up in a ball on the floor, with Cheese floating above her sadly. Tears were flowing down her face faster he could possibly ever run, and her warm eyes had faded towards a defeated, dull brown. Slow, depressing sobs echoed from her mouth, and Shadow stared at her in bewilderment. What the hell was wrong with her?

Shadow gave her an incredulous look as he bent down to her level. "Okay, what's the matter _now_?"

Cream didn't answer for a few seconds, but when she did, her voice was raw and scratchy.

"Mister Shadow," she began, her hiccups interrupting every syllable. "Do you really think I'm a little brat?"


	4. Anemones, Globs, and Puffer Fish

Shadow blinked incredulously. Did all of the 'faker's' friends cry this easily? Or was it just the rabbit? Honestly, if she was going to be a baby about being called a 'brat' (which she was!), then she was probably going to be crying a lot for the entirety that he was forced to stay here. Maybe he should just leave.

 _Whatever, Shads,_ (did he just call himself 'Shads'? Whoa, the fans must be really getting to him) he grumbled to himself. _You can plan your escape later—right now, get the girl to stop crying._

"Stop crying," Shadow barked instinctively, shushing Cream's sobs with a sharp jab of his finger. "It's _annoying_."

Cream paused her crying for a moment, and blinked, before tears started leaking out of her eyes again. Oh, wait—it got even better—she started making incoherent screaming/sobbing sounds too when she pushed away his finger. Honestly, how old was she again?

Her loudness caused Shadow to shove his fingers in his ears to drown out the noise and groan. It looked like he'd need to be a little more tactful. What to do, what to do?

"Humph. Okay, fine," Shadow relented, crossing his arm stubbornly. He sighed. "Yes, you _are_ kind of a brat—but why in the name of Chaos are you worried about _my_ opinion? I'm just your one-time, forced upon, babysitter, okay? Besides, shouldn't you be wondering what the hell the 'faker' thinks of you instead?"

She didn't respond for a moment, but then whispered quietly, "I care about what you think too, Mister Shadow." Quickly, she curled up back into a ball and buried her head in her arms.

He let out an exasperated sigh as he got back up onto his feet. That kind of thinking would get her nowhere.

"And that's your first mistake." Grumpily, he grabbed her wrist and yanked her up, to which she let out a scared yelp. He payed no attention. "And your second mistake would be that you're not in bed yet. It's already 9—and past your bedtime." Heh. Maybe he wasn't so bad at this whole babysitting-shtick after all. Thinking about bedtime was babysitter-y, right?

Cream continued to sniffle, while Cheese protested loudly in Chao-speak, as Shadow literally dragged her up the staircase. It was a bumpy ride—mainly for Cream, as Shadow zipped using his ultra speed up the stairs, but he couldn't really be bothered.

As they reached the top of the staircase, Shadow was greeted with at least four different rooms, each door painted a various shade of orange. "Which one's yours?" he barked at the still-sniffling rabbit. Did he feel bad? Maybe. Okay, not really.

Cream pointed at the door farthest away from him. _Of course_. Obviously, it wasn't a problem at all for him, but he just needed something to complain about. Quick as a hedgehog, Shadow ran to the door and shoved it open. He led Cream into her room, and she flopped onto her bed, her eyes still wet with tears.

When she was situated, Shadow turned to leave, his finger poised on the light switch. "Now go to sleep," he commanded, his voice the epitome of grumpiness.

Cream didn't answer, and he shrugged and switched off the light. He was halfway out the door when he heard a thin voice call out, "Mister Shadow?"

" _What?_ " he asked irritably. _Just_ when he thought he was going to get some peace.

He heard the pitter-patter of bunny-feet as he turned around to see Cream at the door, her eyes shining. Apparently she had already forgotten about the whole 'being upset' thing. Wonderful.

She carried a small picture book in her hand, and held it out to Shadow. He squinted to read the title. _Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me_. Weird title. Cheese nodded at him hopefully. "Will you read us a bedtime story?"

Shadow sighed and turned around, massaging his forehead as he made his way down the stairs. "No."

What part of 'one-time, forced upon, babysitter', did she not understand? Also, what Ultimate Life Form would want to spend his night reading to a 7 year old?

He shook his head as he speedily reached the landing. What would it take for the kid to realize that he was not interested in becoming friends with her—friends with anybody, actually?

Finally, in attempts to enjoy his well-deserved peace, Shadow sauntered back to his carrot-embroidered armchair by the fire, propping his legs up on one of the armrests, trying to get comfortable on such a soft seat. It was quiet, and everything was calm. The rabbit must've been out for the count, and he didn't have to worry about anything (not that he was before). Perfect.

It was then in his moment of peace that he remembered his Hover Shoes sitting by the fireplace. They'd be drying for nearly three hours now, and should be ready for action. To his delight, when he went to go check on them, they were crisp and dry, not at all sodden as they had been before. Quickly, he slipped them on; it had been mildly embarrassing to charge around Cream's house in just his bare socks—he felt so...underdressed.

"Ah," Shadow sighed to himself happily as he settled back onto the armchair. "That's much better." Oh great, now he was talking to himself. What was _with_ this house?

As he tried to get comfortable again in order to take a nap and brood, Shadow realized something.

 _I have my shoes back_ , he thought deviously. _I could leave—right now. I could go back home, away from all these obnoxiously cheery lower life forms!_

But even as the thought crossed his mind, Shadow knew that was impossible. He just couldn't do that to Cream—not that he cared or anything. He just didn't want to be plagued with that weird guilty-feeling for the rest of his life if you know, anything happened to her if he left. Seriously, it was in his own self-interest—not because the weird brat was growing on him or anything. Heck—he just met her three hours ago—for like, the second-ish time! And she was so cheerful—it sent shivers down his spine just thinking about her.

It was settled then.

If Cream couldn't be alone, he would have to find a replacement instead.

Well—maybe after a quick catnap...

* * *

"Mister Shadow?" called a voice into the night hours later, effectively scaring the stripes off of Shadow. Well—he wasn't _scared_ or anything. Just mildly startled. You know, so mildly startled that he fell out of his chair and straight onto the carpeted floor.

"What do you want _now_?" he demanded Cream sleepily, as he dusted himself off. He turned towards her with daggers for eyes and his arms crossed.

Cream stared at the ground shyly as she dug her foot in circular movements into the carpet. Her brown eyes were round and she looked thoroughly spooked. "Well, I—I had a nightmare."

 _Oh great_. _How wonderfully, wonderfully,_ cliché.

"That's good," Shadow grumbled absentmindedly, as he clambered back onto the armchair. He was in no mood to play 'comforter'—but was he ever? He glanced at the clock, which blinked an effervescent 12:30 (A.M). Too early, even for the Ultimate Life Form.

She stared at him in surprise—probably weirded out by his callous reply, before muttering into the ground, "But—I—I can't go back to sleep."

 _Perfect_.

"Well," Shadow mumbled dangerously, already half-asleep. "That's not my problem."

He was suddenly shaken awake by Cream, who asked quietly, "Can I sleep here—on the other chair? With you, Mister Shadow? I'm scared."

Shadow immediately bolted up in surprise by the question. What kind of brainless fool would ask such a thing? Heck, he was probably already burning from the inside out because of the excessive lower life form contact just in these few hours, and spending the rest of the night with that kind of presence would probably kill him. Probably (you know, if that was actually possible).

"Humph," was the answer that she received, as he tried to be civil with her. Well, as civil as an Ultimate Life Form could be after he was just woken up in the middle of the night. "No."

"Um, excuse me, Mister Shadow?" Cream asked, poking him politely in the eyes when he began to doze off again. She stared at him sadly, and he had to force himself to look away. "But, then, um, what are Cheese and I supposed to do if we can't sleep?"

Shadow groaned disbelievingly. "Your Chao had a nightmare too?"

"Oh yes," Cream nodded seriously, patting Cheese on the head. "We always have the same exact dreams—and nightmares."

" _Pfft_ ," Shadow moaned. He had a feeling that the little rabbit wouldn't leave him alone until she was satisfied with whatever answer he would give her, and he was too tired to argue. If she didn't get enough sleep, that was her problem. "Why don't you go and color or something? Or play with matches? They're under the bathroom sink." Don't ask him how he knew that.

"Okay, Mister Shadow," Cream replied cheerfully, hopefully to the former. "Cheese can go find a coloring book, while I'll find the crayons." Her Chao gave her a firm salute before zipping off in the other direction in search of a coloring book.

"Do whatever," Shadow said as he tried to go back to sleep. He may have been the Ultimate Life Form, but every so often, even _he_ needed his rest. Or, he tried to get it anyway, until the lovely, shrill _sqeak_ ing of drawers woke him up.

He searched the living room, only to find Cream opening every single drawer on the tables that littered the room, trying to find coloring utensils. Apparently the metal drawers slides hadn't been used in awhile and were screaming in protest. Someone needed to lubricate them.

"I know they're here somewhere," Cream muttered quietly to herself. "Mama put them here last time we colored." Another _squeak_ echoed loudly through the room as she opened another drawer.

Shadow cringed and covered his sensitive ears as the sound reverberated through the room. What in the name of all things Chaos Control did that rabbit think she was doing? And in the middle of the night, for speed's sake!

Getting up quickly, Shadow rushed over to her and grabbed Cream's hand as soon as she reached out to grab the handle of another drawer. "That's enough."

Cream turned towards him in worry. "But—Mister Shadow! How else are Cream and I supposed to color if I can't find the crayons?"

"Don't use crayons," he answered, his voice low and dangerous. It wasn't a good idea to interrupt his rare sleeping time.

"But—but, then what are we going to color with?" Cream asked, her voice shrill and scared. Scared? Of not using crayons? What kind of kid was Vanilla raising?

Shadow sighed in exasperation. He was never going to get back to sleep if this went on. He knew what he had to do.

His form becoming a black and red blur, Shadow scoured the entirety of the drawers in the living room in less than 3.356 seconds, the unattractive _squeak_ ing becoming lost as he sped around the room.

Without even breaking a sweat, Shadow handed Cream the box of crayons he'd retrieved, and gave her a somber glare. "Now. Go. Color."

"Yes sir, Mister Shadow!" Cream giggled as she took the box from him. She settled down in front of the coffee table across from his appointed armchair, just as Cheese arrived with various coloring books.

Shadow sweatdropped. When he told her to color, he didn't mean _right in front of where he was sleeping_!

As Cream and Cheese got busy coloring, Shadow walked up behind her, intent of defenestration in the case that she didn't listen to him. Okay, he really wasn't going to throw her out of a window, but he'd always wanted to use the word. Defenestrate. What a pointless verb.

"Oh, Mister Shadow!" Cream gasped, as she turned around to look at him, not at all surprised to see him standing right behind her. She waved a crayon at him. "Do you want to color with us too?"

Shadow did a double take. Okay, refresh his memory—how many times had he taken an interest in what she was doing today? More importantly, how many times had he told her that he didn't care? To sum it all up, _what in the world gave her the idea that he wanted to color with her_?

" _No_ ," huffed Shadow as he crossed his arms grumpily. "I was just going to tell you to color somewhere else. I'm sleeping here."

Cream's eyes widened and she turned to him, tears welling in her eyes. "Oh please, Mister Shadow! Let us stay—we're still scared!" She grabbed her Chao and hugged him tightly. "We promise we'll be quiet!"

He gave the pair a half-lidded stare. " _No_. Get out."

Suddenly, Cheese turned to whisper something into Cream's ears. She looked nonplussed, and shook her head adamantly. Cheese continued to encourage her, and with a sigh, she turned to Shadow.

"Okay, Mister Shadow, we'll go to the kitchen," Cream sighed, but made no move to pick up her supplies.

Shadow nodded, "Good," and pivoted back to his beloved armchair.

"But you'll have to color with us."

"What?" Shadow howled. Coloring with them would defeat the entire purpose of them leaving! For them to leave was for him to rest! For him to color was for him to _lose_ that rest! Besides, not only his rest—but his manliness! Or um, hedgehoginess! "Absolutely not!" He turned to glare at Cream for even suggesting the very idea.

But try as he might, he could not protect himself when the legendary puppy dog eyes hit, as Cheese cackled from behind.

 _I gotta stop doing this_ , Shadow realized, even though he knew he was entranced. _Otherwise I'll be succumbing to Cream's puppy dog eyes every chapter_!

* * *

"Wow, Mister Shadow, that's a great, um—what is that you're drawing? Is it a cat? Or a clown?" Cream asked exuberantly as she turned to Shadow. She and Cheese had been coloring in coloring books at the dining table, while Shadow had situated himself far away at the kitchen counter, armed with nothing but crayons and a few blank sheets of paper. According to him, he was too old for coloring books, and he may just have been right.

" _No_ ," Shadow huffed in disbelief as he reached for a red crayon. Honestly, was that rabbit blind? "That's me."

"Oh," Cream laughed nervously as she turned back to her coloring book. "That's what I was going to guess next."

Okay, maybe Shadow wasn't the greatest artist out there—okay, and yes, maybe his rendition of himself looked mildly like a sea urchin on steroids, but there wasn't any need to criticize him! Grr, maybe he should've just taken the coloring book. "Humph."

"We're done!" Cream singsonged a few minutes of silence later, as she began to put away the coloring book she and Cheese had been working on.

 _Finally_ , thought Shadow. They had been coloring for a good fifteen minutes and he was already bored—even though he had to admit, there was something about the freedom in drawing that he liked. Not that he'd ever say that out loud—he had a reputation to maintain, after all.

He nodded, "Good," and began to hastily shove the crayons Cream had shared with him haphazardly into the box. "Now you can go to sleep and never bother me again until 10 AM tomorrow morning."

To his surprise, she began to laugh. Again. Loudly. "Silly Mister Shadow! I meant Cheese and I were done with the _coloring_ book! Now we're going to draw—with you!"

"No, no you are not," he replied dryly, as he began to fill in the outline of his quills that he had drawn boredly. Cream apparently payed him no mind and with Cheese's help, began to clamber onto one of the barstools pushed up against the kitchen counter, paper and crayons at the ready.

When Shadow noticed that she had trouble climbing up to one of the high stools—let us remember that she is 2 feet and 3 inches tall and that the average barstool is 2 feet and 5 inches—he rolled his eyes and helped her up. Watching her flail around like that was pretty pitiful.

"Fine," Shadow relented, even though he was none to happy about it. "But you have to sit over _there_ ," and he pushed her seat to the far end of the table.

"O _kay_ , Mister Shadow," Cream chirped happily, although she enunciated the 'kay' part in a way that made her sound annoyed. Huh, Shadow didn't know that she could have feelings beyond 'extremely cheerful', 'annoying', and 'sad'. He didn't know if he liked it, but decided not to say anymore.

They drew in silence for a few minutes, Shadow making random and brusque strokes with his now black crayon to finish his self portrait, while Cream, albeit being young and messy, made deliberate and thoughtful marks on her paper to finish her drawing. She kept her left arm cupped around her paper, as if Shadow would peek at her drawing, but it was tragically pointless. Shadow was too enamored by his masterfully (as if!) drawn portrait of the Ultimate Life Form to even spare a thought at what Cream was drawing.

As Shadow added the finishing touches to his halfhearted drawing, bright gold Inhibitor Rings around his ankles and wrists, Cream poked his gently in the elbow, trying to get his attention. This action only ended up in successfully making his left arm Inhibitor Ring look more like an Inhibitor Trapezoid.

Shadow turned to glare at Cream grumpily, bur she ignored his fearsome countenance. "Look, Mister Shadow!" she exclaimed, shoving her finished drawing in her face.

It wasn't well-drawn per say, but anyone with half a brain could see that every stroke on the paper was intentional, and well thought out, placed in its location with care.

There were three pale orange globs with weird twigs sticking out of their heads, holding hands, each wearing an extremely cheesy smile. Next to them, holding the hand of the smallest orange glob, was a black anemone-looking thingy with red stripes. Floating between the anemone and the smallest blob was a bloated blue puffer fish.

 _Ick_ , Shadow grumbled. _Anemones_.

Shadow cocked his head in attempts to figure out what the drawing was. Had there been more fish, he would have guessed she had drawn some 'ethereal' underwater world, but since the only ocean creature seemed to be the odd anemone creature and puffer fish, he honestly couldn't guess what had been going through her head—not that he could before.

"See?" Cream asked, her fingers pointing to each of the different blobs as she named them. "That's Mama, Papa, me, Cheese—," she turned to smile at Shadow as she pointed to the anemone, her brown eyes glittering proudly.

"And you."


	5. Let Us Eat Cheese—Yes, He Means The Chao

"Why, hello there, Mister Shadow," Cream chirped primly, a very lousy 'fancy person' accent lacing her voice. She tilted her teacup filled with apple juice at the hedgehog in greeting. She was surrounded by a multitude of stuffed animals (and Cheese, who by no means was stuffed) dressed in proper tea proper tea party attire—hats, tuxedos, dresses, corsages, the works—to be honest, it more looked like the toys were going to prom, but Cream didn't realize that—when the sullen hedgehog stupidly decidedly to walk by after just having woken up. "Would you like to join our tea party?"

"Humph." Shadow didn't even look up as he determinedly walked straight for the kitchen, intent on making himself some sort of breakfast. How in the name of all things Chaos Control did that stupid little rabbit manage to wake up earlier than him—when she had slept at around the same time, no less?

All the coloring had worn him out, and when he had finally managed to get a little shut-eye last night, it had been well past 2 A.M, and he had fallen asleep exactly 6.4312 seconds after he had piled his body onto his special armchair. And yet, here he was, 10 A.M, still oddly groggy and in dire need of nourishment.

Sleepily he remembered somewhere on Vanilla's list mentioning to give Cream some form of breakfast, but first of all, he didn't know how to cook (well, he knew _one_ thing, but that was too much work), and second of all, his food and sleep deprivation combined forced himself to forget all about Cream and instead scour the small kitchen cabinets for something to eat for himself instead. Cream could eat one of those fake plastic cookies that she was feeding to her tea party friends, for all he could care at this particular moment. Besides, if those didn't suffice, she could always eat Cheese. Eating Cheese sounded like a good idea and Shadow would have done it too, had he been in the mood for flambéd Chao. Which he wasn't. Not for breakfast, anyway. The annoying Chao would live to see another day—or until lunch.

Okay, fine, Shadow wasn't _that_ cruel.

Instead of kidnapping Cheese, Shadow shuffled to the kitchen—too tired to move his feet at a pace slower than a super-speedy cheetah pace, and bent down on his knees in search of the most mediocre breakfast he could think of. Unfortunately for him, Vanilla and Cream were very rabbit-like rabbits (no, duh!), and kept more vegetables and fruit as opposed to actual food, and there was no way in hell that he was having a carrot for breakfast.

 _For_ tunately for him and with a little help from his Hover Shoes, Shadow spotted an opened box of Nice Crunchies cereal on the top of the refrigerator. The happy flower designs printed onto the box were a horribly mundane sight from his home.

 _At least there's something familiar in this house_ , he grumbled to himself as he grabbed one of the cutesy bowls (Flowers! Hearts! Carrots! Trees! There was even one with the 'faker's' face emblazoned on it!) from the cupboard and poured himself some milk. He began to devour his breakfast immedietely as the puffed rice granules splashed into his glittery star bowl (it was the most normal out of the mismatched set).

Save for the faint babbling of Cream and Cheese from the living room, the entire house was quiet and peaceful; Shadow felt better already. He breathed in the warm, perpetual carrot smell that permeated the air and closed his eyes, spooning cereal into his mouth in a gracefully haphazardly motion, missing his mouth and splashing milk onto his fur only twice.

Or it _was_ peaceful until Cream came barreling into the kitchen, armed with a stuffed animal in each hand and a half-starved Cheese floating behind her.

"Mister Shadow!" she called, holding her stomach as if she was in intense pain as her voice rose an entire octave. Her incredible loudness caused Shadow such surprise that he not only missed just his mouth, but jabbed his cereal-filled spoon into his eye. "Cheese and I are _really_ hungry! Do you happen to have anything to eat? Mama usually makes us breakfast right now."

For a second, Shadow didn't answer; he was too busy nursing his poked eye, and blindly trying to feel around for his dropped spoon. "I am not your mother. Take your Chao and make your own breakfast. I am just here to supervise that you are fed." After blinking his eye a few times to check if he was all right, Shadow pushed back his chair and began to bring his bowl over to the sink. He turned on the faucet to let his bowl soak. "Now, go feed." Heh. He kinda felt like some kinda demonic overlord talking to his minions when he said those words.

"But—but, Mama says that Cheese and I are too young to cook!" Cream whimpered, cradling her Chao. "And besides, today's Saturday—Pancakes Saturday!"

Good grief, _Pancakes Saturday_? What kind of dopey tradition was that? That was like saying every Thursday would be Chillidog Thursday, or every Monday would be Mehburger Monday—wait, what was a Mehburger? Seriously, he'd never heard of such a thing before.

He gave the box of Nice Crunchies an acknowledging shake. "Then eat cereal."

Cream turned towards him, and for the first time, she looked at him with a genuinely, slightly bratty, pouty face. " _Pancakes_ Saturday, Mister Shadow. Not _Cereal Saturday_."

"Then go make pancakes," Shadow replied monotonously, leaning against the rapidly-filling sink. He honestly couldn't less about what she ate, as long as she ate something. Heck, he would even go so far as to suggest Cheese, again. There was no way he was going to make her pancakes—despite that being the only thing that he could cook.

The little rabbit sighed sadly and turned to her Chao. "Come on, Cheese, let's go find the pancake batter." The blue puffer fish that was Cheese nodded sullenly and the pair began to scour the entire kitchen for some storebought pancake mix, clanging around in the cupboards loudly.

Shadow watched the pair bemusedly from his place by the (now overflowing) sink.

 _Storebought pancake mix?_ he scorned. _Amateur move. The Ultimate Life Form disapproves._

No, he did not think it creepy when he thought in the third person.

He observed as Cream and Cheese tore open the bag when they finally managed to find the mix, spilling at least half the bag's contents into the air in the form of a pancake dust-cloud. Then, she opened the fridge and clumsily dragged out a carton of eggs, six of which went into the batter shell-on, while four fell onto the ground immediately with an unflattering _crash_. She took one look at the mess, and turned to her Chao calmly.

"We'll clean it up later, won't we, Cheese?"

As he watched, snickering when Cream accidentally poured one third a cup of olive oil onto Cheese's head, Shadow felt the telltale drip of water on his Hover Shoes, just before the drip became an all-out waterfall. Jumping up in surprise, he turned to see that he had not yet turned off the faucet and the sink was overflowing well onto the ground—and his shoes.

 _Well, so much for Rule 6_ , Shadow thought as he groaned and kicked off his slightly soaked Hover Shoes. At this rate, he was going to have to find a way to get new ones if he kept dousing them with water. Skates, rockets, and water did not mix. Quickly, he turned to twist the faucet back on the 'off' position, and threw the shoes by one of the closets—he would pick them up and put them by the fire; Cream's cooking was far too much fun to watch.

It turned out, in his flooding debacle, Cream had already finished overmixing the batter so it was silky smooth, and had whipped out a much-too-heavy cast iron griddle pan. Cheese had flown up to turn on the flames of the stove, and Cream was nervously placing the pan on the grate, exchanging worried glances with her friend—the Chao, and not the amused black hedgehog standing coolly in a puddle of water (garbed in just his slinky black socks) from afar.

 _This had better be fun_ , Shadow grinned deviously as he watched Cream fearfully scoop a dollop of batter onto the sizzling pan. The batter spread out onto the pan to form a perfect circle, and the little rabbit turned to look at Cheese proudly—so far, everything was 'perfect'. 12 seconds later, Cream ran out of patience, and Shadow watched, appalled, as she flipped the direly undercooked pancake with her spatula, using all of her might so it plummeted in a sticky mess on the ceiling.

"Uh oh, Cheese," Cream began as she turned to her Chao worriedly. "It looks like we're not to good at this pancake flipping business, are we?"

Cheese nodded a severe 'no', and flew up in attempts to peel the gooey pancake from the ceiling, his small Chao arms straining to yank the batter away. Shadow watched in amusement when he finally gave up and flew back to Cream, shrugging his shoulders in confusion.

Shadow smirked and sighed, shaking his head; he couldn't take it anymore. Cream's attempts in cooking were too pitiful to watch, not to mention hilarious. Slowly, he slinked towards the forlorn rabbit, who stared at the ceiling sorrowfully.

"You _do_ know," he began, expertly grabbing the cast iron griddle pan from Cream in a huff. He raced towards the fridge to extricate a pat of butter and let it melt on the pan. "That flipping pancakes is all in the wrist, right?"

"Of course not, Mister Shadow," Cream answered as she stood on her tiptoes to watch him. "Mama always makes the pancakes for us. Her pancakes are the best!"

Shadow rolled his eyes. _Figures_. Just what _did_ this little girl actually know to do for herself?

Wordlessly, he grabbed a ladleful of the 'horrifying' pancake batter and dropped it into the center of the pan, swirling the handle around with his wrist to spread the batter around evenly. Cream watched in amazement as he patiently waited three minutes before masterfully twisting his wrist (spatulas were for wusses), sending the partially cooked pancake six inches into the air, and plopped delicately back into his ready pan. Another three minutes later, and the pancake was ready.

"And _that's_ how you cook a pancake," he announced (grumpily, no less—this is Shadow we're talking about) as he slid the perfect pancake onto the begonia-painted plate that Cream had fetched for him.

The little rabbit's eyes lit up when she saw the golden pancake, sitting in all it's pancake-y glory as Shadow shoved her the plate. "Wow, Mister Shadow—this looks yummy! Even better than when Mama makes them! I didn't know you could cook!" She tackled him (well—sort of—she's very quite short you see, and her tackling lacks the strength of a full-on football player) into a big bear hug. "Thank you so much! You're the best!"

This time, Shadow's response was a little different. A little more mature, happier. In fact, it was downright cheerful.

Just kidding.

"Humph," he grumbled, as he pushed her arms off, and turned away. _Ultimate Life Forms should not receive hugs. Like, ever_. If you looked closely, you could see the faintest of faintest pinks splashed across his muzzle. "You promised you would not do that again."

No, it wasn't because he was falling in love with Cream—because _ew_ , that would be creepy, and it wasn't because he wasn't used to hugs. For the love of speed, he'd been hugged by Amy (shudder), and this little rabbit had smashed him into a hug before. But, well, he'd never really been thanked before, for at least something as simple as flipping a single pancake. Heck, he'd been showered with more childlike affection in the past day than he had all his life. It was kind of sweet, actually. Stupid little rabbit.

"Oh yuck—!" Cream exclaimed as she settled down with Cheese and a fork, knife, and a bottle of syrup, ready to devour her pancake. Her mouth puckered disgustedly as she took a bite and when she saw Shadow stare at her oddly from the corner of her eye, she quickly changed her tune. "—I mean, yum!" She gave a halfhearted smile as she bit down on something hard and crumbly swirled into her pancake batter.

Shadow smirked. _Egg shells_.

Then she spent another four and a half minutes trying to chew her bite of pancake; for some 'odd' reason it had turned out as hard as rock, and not fluffy at all like her mother normally had cooked.

His smirk only grew wider. _Overmixing the batter_.

Finally, as Cream swallowed, she gagged and had to force herself to take another bite. Some odd flavor was overwhelming the rest of the cake. It made her breakfast taste... _green_.

 _And that would be_ , Shadow finished knowingly. _The consequence of using olive oil in place of vegetable oil._

Cream smiled awkwardly as she turned to Shadow. "Um, that was um, great, Mister Shadow, but um, why do, um, the pancakes taste...bad—I mean, um, funny?" Cheese glared at him, putting his little Chao fists up, ready for a fight.

"Sorry, Carrots*," Shadow snickered as he raced out of the kitchen. "I only flipped the pancakes; it's your own fault for using storebought mix, anyways."

For the first time in his life, he managed to ignore the puppy-dog eyes he could feel Cream give him; she wanted new pancakes of course. Luckily for him, the 'cuteness rays' he was so horrible at deflecting reflected right off his retreating figure.

He was getting good at this.

Well, until he tripped over his wet Hover Shoes.

That had kinda ruined the moment.

* * *

* Reference from _Zootopia._ This nickname will never, ever be a permanent name for Cream. Seriously, it was just a spur of the moment thing that I added just for the sake of that reference.


	6. Chaperoning The Grass

Shadow was surprised.

Day 1 of babysitting hadn't been so bad. After the whole pancake debacle, the rest of the day was relatively calm, and he had sent (*cough cough* more like _forced_ ) Cream to go visit a friend's house. He didn't care where she had gone, as long as she was well, _gone_. Out of his sight. It was only then he could do something productive, what with the house being quiet and all.

Okay, fine. Shadow's idea of being 'productive' was catching up on all the sleep he'd missed. Yes, it was productive. Don't ask questions.

He hadn't seen Cream return the night before, but he knew she had come home safely, as at around 8:30 P.M (what the hell did that rabbit _do_ all day?), he'd heard her come through the front door, and Cheese had floated on by a few minutes later, informing him (through a very imaginative game of charades) that Cream had eaten dinner and lunch at her friend's house.

Shadow didn't bother asking to which friend's house she went, because, well, he knew she had a lot of them, judging by the amount of time Vanilla had spent on the phone the other day.

Currently, Cream was outside, doing Chaos-knows-what with Cheese. It was relatively quiet in the cottage, nothing but the whirring ceiling fan and the crackling fireplace making the faintest of noises. And before you ask, yes, he had both the fan and the fire on at the same time. That was just how he rolled.

 _Ah_ , thought Shadow as he luxuriated in the peace, propping his feet lazily up on one of the arms of the carrot-embroidered chair he was on. _You can never have too much silence_.

Then he heard the screaming.

It wasn't normal _aah_! kind of scream, or even the odd, _eiii!_ screaming that girls often did when they were in fangirling mode (or being eaten by a velociraptor), but something more sinister. Eerie. Dark. It was the kind of bloodcurdling shriek that was recorded into every horror movie, etching fear into the hearts of anyone who dared draw near to hear. The kind that could scare the stripes off of any broody black hedgehog who happened to be lounging nearby.

 _What has that stupid bunny impaled herself with_ now?

Slowly, Shadow lumbered off the armchair and stretched. He knew whatever Cream was screaming about was probably something as trivial as a blade of grass had been trampled upon in the wrong way—as if there was a _right_ way to trample on things. Taking his time, Shadow painstakingly made his way over to the screen door that led to the backyard and peered through. He didn't really know why he even bothered to care to look what Cream was screaming about, but for some strange reason, he felt compelled to.

"Stop screaming," he commanded as he squinted through the door. Cream was standing by the enormous garden that pervaded her yard, her arms cupping her face in the classic screaming fashion as her mouth formed the perfect 'o' that emitted the wretched screeching sound. Her eyes were wide-open in shock and Cheese, who was floating right next to her, had an equally horrified expression.

Cream paused mid-whaling for a second to respond to Shadow. "But—but, Mister Shadow, someone's ruined our garden! Well—part of it, at least!"

Rolling his eyes, Shadow glanced at the garden next to her. He saw nothing wrong. There was soil-colored soil, plant-colored plants and stake-colored stakes. Sure, some of the plants looked uprooted and the soil was a royal mess, but, nothing out of the ordinary.

There was a plot for carrots, that he had to admit, looked like someone had trashed through it, a plot for spinach, where many of the leafy greens had been scattered about, a plot for celery, and lettuce, even though the latter two looked fine. Honestly, if Cream needed something to _really_ shriek about, he knew plenty of horror stories. Most of them revolved around his childhood.

"Humph. Probably just badgers or something," Shadow replied as he turned to go back inside. Well, that was pointless. Oh well, back to brooding, then.

Suddenly, he felt a tug on his hand, and he didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. He internally facepalmed. This day was getting better and better. "What now?"

"Well, Sticks is a badger, and I know _she_ wouldn't do anything like this," Cream wondered thoughtfully, tugging Shadow's hand even harder. "And besides," she said. "Whoever it was, we still have to fix the garden."

Shadow did a double-take as he turned to look suspiciously at Cream, shaking her hand from his. " _We_?"

Cream nodded eagerly towards the ruined garden. "Oh, yes, _we_."

With that, Shadow began to walk away boredly. She probably meant _we_ as in her and her dumb Chao friend. Why did he even _think_ that 'we' included him? As far as he was concerned, he was never included in a 'we'. Unless it was a Wii game, but that's a different story.

"Um, Mister Shadow?" Cream asked curiously, after a spell. He was already halfway through the screen door by the time she called, and her loud voice nearly caused him to slam the door on his sensitive tail.

" _What_ _now_?" he asked in his usually irritable fashion, pausing ever-so-slightly to hear her out.

He turned around to see the young rabbit pointing at him with a trowel. "Aren't you coming to help?"

"Humph. _No_."

"But Mister Shadow! Cheese and I can't do this on our _own_! There are carrots that need to be replanted, lettuces that need watering, and, and—"

"—And you can do that by _yourself_ ," Shadow interrupted, rolling his eyes as he turned to leave again. Seriously, if she knew that she had to do all that much, why didn't she just _do_ it?

But, of course, Cream had yet another rebuttal.

"Um, Mister Shadow?" she asked innocently in a voice that made Shadow's fur stand up on end in terror. "Well, I think I remember Mama telling you that she wanted to see the house—which also means the garden, in the _same_ condition as she left it in. And, when she left the house, the garden definitely wasn't like this."

Shadow felt his fur burn. That down-low, crafty, devious, sly, scheming, sharp, shrewd, deceitful, slippery, wily, slick, insidious, cunning, calculating bunny rabbit! There. He used up all the synonyms in his thesaurus. Underneath that cute rabbit exterior, she was truly terrible, she was. Even he wouldn't go that far! Puppy dog eyes were one thing—but inadvertently threatening him! Would even Eggman do that? Okay, yeah, he would—he did. All the time.

He stomped over to Cream and yanked the trowel out of her hand. "Give me that."

Grumbling, he bent down on the ground and folded his knees upon themselves, jabbing his trowel into ground rhythmically. He stared at the haphazardly dug-up ground and blinked. Having never gardened before, he completely drew a blank as to what the hell he was supposed to do.

Cream gently took the trowel from his hand and shoved it aside, and pivoted him towards a pile of uprooted well...root vegetables.

"Here," she said gently. "Why don't you pick up the carrots that have been pulled up from the ground, Mister Shadow? I'll get the soil ready for replanting."

With no idea at what else to do, Shadow grumbled a snarky _humph_ , and began to walk around the large terrain, picking up carrots that were scattered around. He was surprised to see quite the haul that was produced from the roots. Despite being fairly unripe and a mere three inches long, nothing more than a small bloated orange root, he had his arms filled with them after four minutes of super-speed running (his shoes had dried well from the morning before).

When his arms were filled to overflowing, Shadow dropped the carrots off at the front of the house, and returned back to the garden to collect the rest of them. His dark fur soaked up the sun like a sponge, and after a few rounds of collecting carrots, he was unbelievably hot and felt akin to melting.

 _Cursed be the artist who decided to give me dark fur_ , Shadow grumbled to himself. _It may look badass and edgy, but all it does is absorb heat and cause my fur to frizz up like drowned cottonball._

Wiping the sweat off of his brow, he sauntered over to Cream, all the uprooted carrots cleared off of the ground. In the few minutes he had been working, Cream had garbed herself with a sunhat and and had raked the shoddy soil to perfection with a box rake. Cheese had taken up a job similar to Shadow's, and had cleared the plot of disassembled spinach leaves that had been thrown about.

"Are you done already?" Cream gasped. She jumped up eagerly, nearly knocking over the watering can by her feet. Lucky for him (said nobody ever), Shadow managed to stop it from toppling over just in time.

She grinned. "Thanks, Mister Shadow!" Then, she handed him the watering can. "Why don't you water the lettuce? I think they're in need of some hydration."

Shadow crossed his arms and grumpily raised an eyebrow. "And how does this change how the garden looked before your mother left it?" The lettuce had remained untouched by whatever had ravaged the carrots and the spinach.

Cream smiled. "Oh, Mister Shadow! Don't you know that plants need to be watered at least ever other day? If you don't water them, they dry up and won't get enough nutrients."

"I _know_ that," Shadow grumbled, but took the watering can anyway. Did she think that the Ultimate Life Form didn't have any common sense? Well, he'd prove her wrong.

He stomped over to the plot of lettuce and began to pour a copious amount of water over one of the heads of lettuce until a small pool had formed around the vegetable. When he had deemed each lettuce head drowned enough, he would move onto the next one. After he had finished watering about four vegetables (quickly, no doubt), he decided he'd much rather be collecting carrots than watering.

Running around fetching root vegetables was tiring, but it was still running, something he lived to do. Watering lettuce involved a lot of standing around in the blazing sun, melting away like a forgotten popsicle. Oh, for the love of Chaos, who'd forget to eat a popsicle? Turns out the Ultimate Life Form wasn't all-that-ultimate at constructing similes.

Just like he wasn't all-that-ultimate at watering lettuce.

"Mister Shadow!" Cream yelped, running over to him in the lettuce plot as fast as she could. She peered at the puddle of liquid surrounding each head of lettuce in panic. "You're not supposed to water the lettuce _that_ much! I think you might be drowning them!"

 _Damn, you'd think that such a soft-spoken bunny would be soft-spoken about gardening too_.

"Humph," Shadow muttered adamantly, still deluging his current plant with water. "I'm not _drowning_ them. They're plants. They don't drown." Yeah, Cream might've known more about gardening than him, but he wasn't _stupid_. He'd know when something, whether it be a plant or not, was drowning.

Cream exchanged a nervous look with Cheese. "Um, maybe, Mister Shadow, you could, um—" Her eyes scanned the rest of the garden patch, and her brown irises landed on the last untouched plot. "How about you guard the celery, instead? Cheese'll take it from here."

Shadow _pffted_ delicately. _Guard_ the celery? What was next? Babysit the soil? Ward the leaves? _Chaperone the grass_?

 _I need to get out of here_ , Shadow grumbled to himself as he wordlessly trampled over to the celery patch, far away from where Cream had had asked Cheese to take over lettuce-watering duty, and even further from where she herself was planting a new crop of carrots.

The plot of celery was a quiet place. A peaceful place. A place where one could brood without being bothered. It was unlike Shadow's usual spot by the fireplace, where the hypnotizing crackling fire would remind him that he was still alive.

In other words, Shadow enjoyed his stay by the celery patch. He had no idea what Cream had meant in guarding it, but for the record, he really didn't care—oh, don't act so surprised, you knew that was coming.

But, even guarding the celery, Shadow felt the twinge of an unwelcome, foreign emotion tug at his heartstrings. It was slimy and icky, and made him all too aware that his secluded section by the celery was, well, secluded. It wasn't private, per say, he could still see Cream jollily scattering seeds not too far off, but it was remote enough for him to denote it as _lonely_. But—he _liked_ lonely, right? Lonely meant quiet. Quiet meant brooding. Brooding meant—what? What did brooding mean?

 _Silence_ , Shadow chided himself. _You've spent far too much time around this rabbit—you're foolishly questioning your very nature. You've already lost your dignity by agreeing to babysit her, now do you want to lose your title as Ultimate Life Form, too? Pathetic._

He nudged the sunny green grass nearby the plot with his Hover Shoe toe cap. The shiny red gloss that had been painted onto the welts of his shoes was already chipped before, and all the water that had deluged the shoe itself from the past two days had only helped to show the plain gray metal that had been hidden under the pigment. He'd need a new paint job soon. Too bad he didn't know anyone who he trusted with his shoes enough to get them done.

"Mister Shadow!" Cream called in panic, breaking Shadow out of his shoe-induced reverie. Whoa, that's not a sentence you hear often. "Um, could you help me?"

"No," Shadow deadpanned, even as he slowly walked over to where Cream was calling from.

A smirk crawled up his face as he was greeted with the sadistically hilarious sight of Cream tangled in a myriad of hose wires. She wasn't knotted amidst the wires too tight, but hell, she wasn't very comfortable with hoses wrapped around her, and she was struggling as if she was being strangled.

Screw loneliness, watching Cream suffer was a better sight than seeing her happy. Damn, he felt like his old self again. Alive. Morbidly content. H—h—ha—happ—what was that word again? Hippy? Nevermind.

When she saw Shadow walking towards her, Cream's eyes lit up and she started to explain, with Cheese bobbing uselessly besides her.

"Well, Mister Shadow, you see, after you place the seeds in the soil, you should water them so they'll start to grow, and well, there are a lot of carrot seeds planted here, and I thought using the hose would make the job easier, so I tried to untangle it from the shed, but then it was too heavy, and Cheese tried to help me, but then something happened, and Cheese accidentally let go and then I got tangled up, and he tried to help me, but—" she said, all in one breath.

"—I'm beginning to think I shouldn't untie you," Shadow taunted as he circled Cream like a shark. He rounded around her with gleaming red eyes and she shivered in fear for a second. Sheesh, he wasn't going to do _anything_ to her, relax, perverts, he was just trying to intimidate her. Because he was the Ultimate Life Form. And because he was damn good at it, too. It was fun.

Cream's eyes filled with trepidation, even as one end of her sunhat flopped over her line of vision. "Oh, please, Mister Shadow you _have_ to untie me! If you don't, I won't be able to water the plants and—and they'll die!" Next to her, Cheese nodded vigorously.

Shadow raised his eyebrows. She was worried about the _plants_? Didn't the little bunny have any worries that _weren't_ selfless? Honestly, Shadow was the most heroic, amazing, selfless person he knew, and even _he_ wasn't like that.

" _Pfft_. Pathetic," he grumbled, as he grabbed one end of the hose. With one fell swing, he twisted his wrist so that the mediocre tangle ensnared throughout the hose came free and Cream came tumbling out of her entanglement. She stumbled in front of Shadow's feet and was instantly ensconced in a hug awarded by Cheese.

She grinned. "Thanks, Mister Shadow!" She quickly ran to the end of the hose and grabbed the nozzle, aiming it toward the well-raked plot of soil she had planted her carrots in.

Cream turned towards him a second later with an apologetic look. "Um, Mister Shadow, do you mind holding the hose while I go turn it on? This hose has a high water pressure, and if someone isn't holding the nozzle when it turns on, it'll go flying!"

Shadow sighed, even though to the trained ear, it was reminiscent of an upset-sounding groan. He held out his hand and Cream dropped the head of the hose in. He had nothing better to do—besides brooding, but that could wait for a second. "Fine."

He walked painstakingly towards the plot of carrot seeds and held the hose in place.

"Only turn it on when I count to three," he commanded stonily as Cream skipped to the where the gear was to turn on the hose. "I need to get in position."

"Okay, Mister Shadow!"

"1," he counted, his stomach twitching, notifying him that he'd probably regret this idea. He ignored himself. "2."

He heard a slight "Ooooh! Pretty!" behind him from Cream, but he disregarded it and focused on perfecting the angle of the hose. She probably saw a rainbow glinting off of the side of the metal gear that turned on the hose and got distracted.

"3."

Nothing happened.

"I said, 3!"

Shadow cursed under his breath when there was no flow of water and turned the hose upside down, peering into the nozzle. He had almost put his eye into the opening to get a better look. What in the name of Chaos was wrong with the thing?

Then, he heard the sound of a gear turning and his stomach dropped down to his Hover Shoes.

 _Shit_.

Within the span of a second, the hose poured a heavy pressure-load of water straight into his muzzle, dribbling down his body—which he couldn't decide was refreshing or annoying. Within a matter of milliseconds, he was dripping wet.

"SORRY, MISTER SHADOW! I GOT DISTRACTED BY A RAINBOW GLINTING OFF OF THE SIDE OF THE METAL GEAR THAT TURNS ON THE HOSE! I DIDN'T HEAR WHEN YOU SAID 3!"

Needless to say, he didn't speak to Cream for the whole day (wow, what a surprise), and spent the rest of the afternoon waiting for his Hover Shoes to dry by the fire.


	7. Poking the Broody Black Hedgehog

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

" _Please_?"

"No."

"But, Mister Shadow—"

"No."

Shadow sighed. This was by far the longest argument he'd ever had in his life—and quite possibly the most boring and most repetitive one. Seriously—he'd been saying 'no' for the past hour and Cream _still_ was trying to get him to take her shopping. She'd needed new shoes and had mentioned that they were running low on groceries—but there was no way in _hell_ that he was going to go out in public with _her_.

(Forcibly) Gardening outside was _one_ thing—but having his reputation entirely squandered by running around in plain sight with a little rabbit and her Chao tailing behind was a whole _other_ realm of hell he'd rather not visit at this time. Or ever, for that matter.

Cream sighed and looked at him with watery eyes, and he successfully managed to retain his steely gaze. Her 'puppy dog eyes' had been emptied of their power—and to Shadow's everlasting delight—he'd become immune. One too many times with him succumbing to their everlasting cuteness had taught him a cold lesson—cute was never cute for long.

When she saw her gaze had no effect on him, Cream sighed louder, and her mouth formed a rare pout, even though Shadow could see films of panic over her eyes. _Panicked_? Over _what_? Weirdo.

"Mister Shadow," she explained, Cheese bobbing next to her for emphasis. "My shoes got all muddy from gardening yesterday and Mama won't be happy to see that when she gets home. Yesterday—when you weren't talking to me?—there was nothing to eat and you had to had to make boiled unripened carrots for dinner."

He grimaced. How could he forget _that_? The small, tough roots had tasted rubbery and bland, and he vowed never to eat them ever again. Cream had seemed happy enough eating them—she _was_ a rabbit, after all, so vegetables must have seemed like candy to her.

Shadow turned his head and gave a customary _humph_ , crossing his arms. " _Pfft_ , that's not my problem."

She nodded compliantly at his statement, but then pointed at her mud-covered shoes. "Okay, Mister Shadow—we can just pick more vegetables from the garden—those which are ripened, that is." Shadow grimaced, but didn't turn around. "But—I still need new shoes." She turned to Cheese, who made some elaborate gestures towards her, and nodded. "Great idea, Cheese! Mister Shadow—if you want, I can go by myself. I can use the rings Mama left for me and buy my own shoes at the mall."

He sighed in relief. Well, that was settled. Why hadn't he thought of that before? Going to the store by herself was a great idea. Hadn't he let her go off on her own before? To a friend's house? Wasn't a mall like, um—a big, crowded, friend's house?

Shadow groaned. That was probably his most stupid-sounding excuse yet.

"Whatever, do what you want," he muttered, heading back towards the kitchen to raid the counters for any food he'd missed when he scoured the kitchen for ingredients to make dinner yesterday.

Cream nodded, albeit a little warily, and headed towards the doormat that greeted the front door of the house. Shadow watched, confused, as she lifted the mat and pulled out a small bag of bag of rings. He couldn't help but feel a little miffed—why did Vanilla feel like she had to hide her money? Did she think that he'd _steal_ it or something? He'd never do such a thing—he had _much_ more honor than that!

Not that he really showed it.

...Whatever.

Shut up.

She smiled at Cheese and began to head out the door.

"Goodbye, Mister Shadow!" she called, waving wildly, before softly closing the door behind her.

Shadow couldn't help but roll his eyes. She was going to the _mall_ for Chaos Sake—not _dying_ or anything. Since when did elaborate goodbyes become necessary?

A little alarmed by the quiet—Cream was almost always _some_ where around the house, making some kind of noise with Cheese—Shadow changed course from the kitchen and returned to his flower-covered armchair by the fire to brood. Nodding appreciatively at his Hover Shoes, he sunk deep into the chair and closed his eyes.

To think, his waterlogged Hover Shoes were what _brought_ him here to this Godforsaken cottage, and now, even though they were dry, he was duty-bound not to leave until Vanilla came back—whether he liked it or not. (And he _didn't_ like it—for the record.) Hell, he'd had thoughts of finding a replacement a few chapters ago, but he quickly voided those arguments—although he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like he _enjoyed_ his stay at Cream's cottage.

Speaking (thinking? brooding?) about Cream, Shadow didn't exactly know why—but something pricked his conscious whenever he thought about her. It wasn't exactly _affection_ , but he felt a barrier of protectiveness form around his thoughts' incarnation of the young rabbit whenever she was in his mind. He had no explanation for it, but he knew that whatever odd need he had to defend Cream certainly had started to pique the second she'd left the house for the mall.

Shadow had tried to smother it with overwhelming amounts of indifference—it worked for everyone else—but it was pointless. The trail of feeling had only grown stronger the longer she'd gone and by now—in the few minutes that had passed—he felt it create an inundating tidal wave that crashed over him, and made his practically-never-before-been-used 'worry sensors' start to go off.

It was odd—care, worry—those weren't feelings he usually entertained, and it was even more startling now that they had attacked him as soon as Cream had left.

A torrent of horrific memories washed over him, and his aged past only added to the graphic imagery.

_Cream, body mutilated and bloody, attacked by a group of thugs that haunted the alleys by the mall._

_Her yellow fur, patchy with swaths of bone peeking through, emaciated by the kidnappers that had taken her the second she'd stepped out of the shoe store with her new shoes._

_Her thin limbs, clutching Cheese daintily, as she lay there, dead, with a bullet hole straight through her forehead, put there by a crazed mall shooter that had run rampant with a loaded gun._

_And he hadn't been there to stop anything._

When the tsunami of images halted, Shadow was left wide-eyed with horror and was uncharacteristically broken out in a freezing cold sweat.

"No," he whispered.

Shit, he was talking to himself again.

 _And_ being overdramatic—but still, let him care for once.

Shaking his head with a new resolve, Shadow raised himself off of the armchair and zipped out the door—double checking the lock on his way out. What? No, he _wasn't_ paranoid, _thank you for asking_.

As he zoomed through the neighborhood with his Hover Shoes, Shadow tried to convince himself in changing the reason behind why he was going.

He didn't _care_ about Cream.

No, he was doing this because if Vanilla came home to see a dead daughter (ahem, _overdramatic_ ), she'd kick his royal ass straight into oblivion.

Deep down, _really_ deep down, Shadow knew his true intentions about protecting Cream, but he sure as hell wasn't going to admit them now. He'd already admitted more than he wanted to, and he wasn't going to do anything to reiterate it.

He sped passed strip malls and stores, parks and libraries, before he finally arriving at the mall.

It was a busy day, and plenty of cars had crowded the parking lots, so much so that if Shadow had been driving a car, he'd never be able to find a parking lot. Good thing that he was the fastest thing alive then, because he was able to get to the entrance in less than fifteen seconds.

Odd and surprised looks greeted him as he wandered aimlessly through the mall foyer. That wasn't what was bothering him, though. People could stare at him all they liked—he hardly paid attention. And by hardly, that means, absolutely, one-hundred percent, not at all.

He had a bigger problem on his hands.

Like how to find a cream-colored rabbit and her floaty blue Chao in a crowd this large. He knew she was going to the shoe store, and that information would have been infinitely helpful if he'd gone to the mall before and knew where it was. But, since he lived so far away and wasn't one for social scenes or shopping, for that matter, he'd never been and never regretted it.

Until now.

He couldn't very well _ask_ someone for directions—it was always a gamble when he talked to strangers. They usually did one of three options whenever he even _looked_ to them:

_1\. Fainted (highly common)  
_

_2\. Ignored him (common)_

_3\. Picked a fight (he_ wished _it was more common)_

He decided Cream was worth the risk (...did he really just think that?), he walked up towards a kind-enough-looking green fox and asked,

"Hey, lady, where's the shoe store around here?"

Shadow groaned when she fainted at his feet. So much for asking for directions.

Not really feeling up to asking someone else, Shadow decided to hedge his bets and wander around the mall for awhile, glad that people parted like the Red Sea when they saw him coming—he needed to find Cream and _fast_ , and large crowds would _not_ help. Seriously, how _did_ the 'faker' deal with all his paparazzi?

20 minutes later, Shadow was hopelessly lost. Somehow, he'd landed in the teen fashion section of the mall—and it _really_ didn't help that _Chaos Topic_ had a really large poster of him endorsing their product. It also didn't help that the poster resembled his current state perfectly—arms crossed, slouched, and with an even-grouchier-than-usual pout painted on his face. Heck, some people had dared to even poke him to see if he was a mannequin. They'd scampered away quicker that hedgehogs could run when he shot them a glare, though.

"Excuse me, Mister Shadow, sir?" a voice that sounded surprisingly like Cream's called from his side.

Shadow turned around eagerly (but not _too_ eagerly), but to his disappointment(?), it was just a neon pink rabbit about Cream's age with an orange Chao floating beside her.

He turned back to his previous position and _humphed_. "What do you want?"

The little girl frowned and quivered under his glare. "I—I was j—just wond—wondering—if—if—you were l—l—lost. You—you—you—look—l—lost. Are—y—you?"

" _No_ , I'm not," he retorted, hunching even more forward. He wasn't going to admit he was wrong, not to a total stranger, especially when they seemed to be afraid of him.

Blinking rapidly, the bunny turned away. "I—oh—o—okay."

Rolling his eyes, Shadow moved away from _Chaos Topic_ 's store front, and resumed his wandering. As he rounded the entrance in a full circle for the third time—he began to wonder if this was a hopeless cause. What if Cream had already returned home? Then this whole expedition would be pointless. Damn, if he could just find that shoe store and _check_ to see if she was there or not, he could just head back.

Aimlessly walking, his eyes glossed over every shop sign, looking desperately for one that said s _hoe store_. Pausing his sign reading, Shadow spotted a mall map that hadn't been there before—had it? He'd been so caught up in studying the signs that he'd hardly even noticed his surroundings.

Sighing because of his stupidity, Shadow forced his feet to zoom over the map and began to study it. Lucky for him, all the clothing stores were labeled with a green 'shirt' symbol, and he was able to locate it on the map easily. It was on the wing of the mall just right of him—how the hell did he miss that?

Zipping over to the shoe store, Shadow was glad to see a small orangey-yellow figure emerge from the exit with a blue blob bobbing behind just as he arrived.

 _Finally_.

To say that the was relieved that Cream hadn't been mutilated, kidnapped or shot pleased him more than he thought he would, and he felt more satisfied than ever that he was by her side to protect her from any danger whether her mom wanted him to or not as he fell into step with her towards the mall's exit.

"Mister Shadow!" Cream gasped when she felt the broody hedgehog's presence next to her. "What are doing here?"

"I realized I needed to buy something," he lied smoothly, his face hardening back into a mess of frowns and sharp edges.

She gave him a confused once-over and stared at his empty hands. "But you didn't buy anything."

Shadow inwardly flipped out over her words. Dammit! Why hadn't he remembered that? A new lie to cover the old one seemed to be the route he'd take today. "They were all out. Looks like I'll have to come by another time."

"Oh," Cream nodded, understanding and believing his lie.

 _Guilt, guilt, guilty-guilt-guilt_.

Her eyes brightened and she turned towards him and gestured to her shopping bag. "Well, Mister Shadow, do you want to see the shoes that Cream and I bought?"

" _No_ ," Shadow said dryly, meaning every word. What? He didn't care if she was wearing shoes or walking _barefoot_ —it wasn't his business.

"Okay, then do you want to hear what the nice cashier said to us?"

"No."

"How about when we were picking out the shoes?"

"No."

"Well—what about when me and Cheese bumped into Sonic and Knuckles by the gaming—"

"— _No_."

And so it went, all the way home.


End file.
